Biker Fuzz

The Last Day.

Well here it is. 83.5 miles to go and it’s all over. Having got up yesterday and had a bit of slump today’s psyche seems to be much better. Everyone seems to be much more positive although extremely knackered from the continual routine. Just to make sure we had enough power to make the last few miles we did the sensible thing and had a curry in Dingwall last night. Jolly tasty but the corridor of the bunkhouse where we stayed was shrouded in a dark green fog this morning. You could chew on the air.

Having made a dive for the fresh air we had a short drive to the off point, past the distillery for the second time! We were slightly concerned as the forecast for the day was showers and a 15 mile an hour NE wind. Having suffered yesterday the thought of an 83 miler was not what we wanted. Luckily as we started the wind was quite light, a bit chilly but no rain to start with. We made good time and had managed a couple of breaks before the rain started. Dan and Steve had offered to make us a cup of tea at each of our breaks, not the norm. Due to the cold weather this was greatly and eagerly received every time. Once again we started off well but as the mileage passed us by we began to shut down mentally with the thought that the end was getting closer and closer. It became hard work as the time went on. Thighs ached, sore bites got sorer and the cold and wet crept in. Now having looked at the route and seen that we were going to follow the A9/A99 along the coast we thought it would be pretty flat apart from a few undulations. WRONG. We hit a few good steep inclines which absolutely drained my legs and I was struggling. Then just to help matters we had a great big drop down to a river. Lovely, but as I’ve learnt if you go down that quickly there is only one way to go and that is up an equally steep hill. Yup a 1 in 8 hill that dragged on. Honking material. I made it up this one and kept my lungs.

We had planned to stop in a village at 60 miles and have a pub lunch and a pint before finishing the final 20. Two things put paid to that. There was sod all about and we got the wobbles as we were getting hungry. So we went to plan B, a lay by and hot noodles cooked on the camping stove by the resident team chefs. Ah well what’s one more bowl of noodles. When I get home I will write a list of food that Dad does not want to eat. At the top will be noodles closely followed by Weatabix.

With 23 miles left to do we moved off after lunch with even more winter clothing on. Following a stop at a local garage for the now customary post parandial poo, if you have an irregular system I can recommend a diet for you, we hacked on. The wind was now up a little bit and we had dropped to doing 2 miles on the front to relieve the final boredom. At 10 miles we went down to 1 mile but the time and distance just wouldn’t go down quick enough. Mentally it was agony.

At long last we neared John O’Groats. By now everyone was aching and longing for the sight of the road sign and before we knew we were there. Dan and Steve were waiting with cameras and caught the pictures as we passed the sign. We stopped for a quick kit change back into the sponsors strip and about three base layers and had a few pictures done and rode down to the front closely followed by the two support vehicles. The whole team rolling in together. In the distance down at the car park were the groupies, banner and all, a welcoming sight. We rolled over the finish line and got off the bikes, bliss. Handshakes and manly hugs all round we were relieved and chuffed to bits to have made it. A few cheesy pictures later combined with a bottle of beer we were in the vehicles for a 60 miles drive back to Helmsdale for the hostel.

The hostel was top notch and can be thoroughly recommended. We went down to the village and had a pleasant meal with a few beers or it might have a few more than that and wound our way back for just after eleven. Too knackered to be up any later.

And that really is that. Despite a few events conspiring against us we have managed to ride from one end of the country to the other in just NINE days. Which is quite an achievement, even if I do say so myself. The vast majority of people do it in 10 or more days.

Tomorrow we will have the delight of getting up when we feel like it not having to put on cycling kit, force fed ourselves a huge breakfast, smear Vaseline into nooks and folds of flesh and sit on an ‘effing bike for hours on end. One word on eating, I’m never ever going to eat Foie Gras, I know how those ducks and geese feel, not pleasant.

Thanks to everyone for checking in and following our progress we had plenty of messages from family and friends. We’re sorry the blogs didn’t go on daily but in many places they didn’t have the technology to access the internet. If you leave it about another week or so everyone will have written their own piece on the ride and the photographs will have been added. We will also try and put some video clips on as well. I believe you can leave a comment on the site now so please feel free. If you are a hacker or spammer. please do something more constructive and rather than damage or attack our site, hack into the treasury site and give us a refund.

If you have enjoyed the site please don’t forget this was all done to raise money for worthy local charities. Please feel free to make a pledge/donation.

Ian.

Highlights of the Day.

Finishing probably the hardest physical endurance challenge I have ever done.

When cycling up yet another hill a BMW came flying up behind us and decided to overtake into an oncoming car. He sounded his horn at us as though it was out fault. He had picked the wrong day and the wrong group to f*** about with. We were tired, wet and very hungry. His outburst was met with a winding gramophone hand gesture, flip the bird and four mouthfuls of abuse. He then slammed on his brakes with a sort of “If you want some” sort of attitude. When three cyclists then sprinted up hill towards him he rapidly engaged first gear and f***** off quick.

Low lights of the day.

In a perverse twist, actually finishing the ride. It has been an exciting and enjoyable experience.

Today’s Stats

Distance: 84.5 miles
Average Speed: 14.5 mph
Max: 37.5 mph
Time: 5 hours, 45 minutes
Pain factor: 6.5/10

The Penultimate Day.

Having arrived last night at our accommodation, we were somewhat surprised with the hostel. However, having actually spent a night a very comfortable night sleeping in bunk beds we were all very pleased with the standard of the hostel.

We set off on time all in reasonably good spirits with the thought of only having two days left and about 180 miles in total to do. Easy. Should absolutely eat it. The plan was for 60 miles today and the rest tomorrow. However if we got the 60 done by lunch we could hack off a great chunk of the last day and have a nice short day. As we all sat on the saddle everyone felt every single bump, ridge and pothole in the road surface. One’s derriere was so painful it was unbelievable. Whether it actually was like that or just because the end was in sight we don’t know. It took us a good couple of hours for everyone’s legs to warm up and get going.

After a while we came around Loch Lomond and eventually onto Loch Ness. The scenery was beautiful. We had a brief stop at Fort Augustus which has a series of stepped locks. The sun was shining and a pub was open and we could imagine ourselves sitting there with a pint or two for hours soaking up the rays. Tough dodaas, get on the bike and knock a few more miles out. We hammered on round the Loch which after a while lost its appeal due to the ever present hard core surface rattling all sense of feeling out of your hands. James did his usual man mountain session of dragging us round one part of the Loch into a headwind.

Eventually we cleared the Loch and stopped at Drumnadrochit for lunch where the groupies had once more caught up with us. More fresh cake. Yum yum. There was a variation to the route after lunch; instead of continuing along the A9 which would get narrower and busier it was decided to go up and over as a short cut. By now I hear the words up and over and immediately want to vomit. Having a sly look at the map I realised what was to come. When you look at a road on the map and you know it goes uphill if the road has lots of little squiggles in it that means that it is very steep as the road cannot obviously go straight up. Additionally if it has an arrowed head on the road it is mega steep, two arrowheads you get a nosebleed and so on. So the A833 to Beauly has the squiggles and an arrowhead, and on one map two arrowheads. I want my mummy.

Off we go and about a mile or so down the road turn right and wham bam up we go. A 1 in 7 hill. The three guys set off and attacked the hill I struggled and eventually decided to walk once my lungs were considering making a break for freedom. James, or should I say Miguel (Indurain) won the red and white jersey for King of the Mountains. An outstanding display of power once more. Please see pictures when they are added.

Following the reintroduction of my breathing apparatus we set off again and headed for Tain as the days final destination. By now the wind was picking up a bit and as usual it was in our faces. We got back onto the A9 and started working up the main road. By now it was a strong 15 mile an hour wind plus and if you were in front you doing well to make 13 or 14 miles an hour.

The system we had been using for riding was to ride in single file with the lead bike working for five miles then you pull out and drop to the back and get a bit of a tow and a rest. On one section I had just completed my five mile session and moved out to drop back. Count the bikes before moving back in…one….two…and……..hang where’s three? Where’s Alex? Look over the shoulder and no sign of him??? STOP. “Where is he?” “I don’t know. He was there a short while ago.” A quick call on the mobile and fortunately he had stopped about 250 yards back with a puncture. He had shouted for a stop but with the wind no-one had heard. Luckily my change came so soon after the puncture or it could have been another mile before we realised. It was heads down and slog it out stuff. While we waited for his repair the three of us lay down on the grass verge and soaked up the sunshine. Weirdly enough we all felt totally relaxed sunbathing on the side of the A9 with cars whizzing past at about 80. I must send that location in to the holiday program for a new venue.

As we went past Tain we went past yet another excellent stopping place, The Glenmorangie Distillery. Ah well somewhere else to come back and see.

One more day to go.

Ian.

Highlights of the Day.

Sitting down at Fort Augustus.

Sunbathing on the A9

Low lights of the Day.

Getting up from Fort Augustus.

Feeling like death going up the 1 in 7.

Today’s Stats

Distance 100 miles
Average Speed 15.2 mph
Max 48 mph
Time 6 hours, 29 minutes
Pain 8.5/10

Well I can’t quite believe it. We have reached Fort William. Cornwall seems an eternity ago. Although we have traveled the length of the country, almost, the majority of my view has been confined to the arse of the person in front, their wheel or the tarmac when it’s getting hard work combined with the occasional glance left or right. We have two days left to reach JOG.

Tomorrow should be about 100 miles leaving us about 87 miles on the last. In theory we should do this no problems bearing in mind what we have done so far. At this point I actually feel as though the dream is about to become a reality. There have been times over the last few days where a few of us have felt like jacking it in. Even this morning when we were struggling against the usual crap road surfaces one of us felt that’s it! Fortunately everyone kept going.

Today has given us some of the most striking scenery to pass through at speed and take no notice of. Once out of Kilmarnock we got to Loch Lomond, rode around that and headed out and up and over a big hill. Nothing new there then. However, half way up at a stop there was the obligatory piper playing to anyone that did or did not want to listen. Very kindly, for a suitable fee, he piped us out onto the next stage, funds provided by Mark’s mum and partner. We picked them up in Gloucestershire and they have been hounding us ever since. I’ve had rashes that were easier to get rid of. I’m only joking. It has been wonderful to have some additional support and interest this far up plus an additional bonus of freshly baked cake. I do believe they have extended a holiday to follow our progress and will meet us at the final destination. Our own band of groupies!

In the continuing competition for green jerseys James has come through at the last moment and picked up another stage or two. Alex has taken another two which really makes James King of Scotland, home turf and all that.

We are currently resting in our luxury accommodation. The Macbackpackers hostel in Fort William. We are all in one room in bunk beds which have names of Scottish actors. I am in Robbie Coltraine, not biblically of course. The others are in Sean Connery, Billy Connelly, Dougray Scott, Ewan MacGregor and Robert Carlisle. Not a big room as you might guess by the topic.

Anyway as ever it is late the others are tucked and I’m tired so goodnight all and hopefully we’ll get another message to you tomorrow.

Ian

Today’s Stats

Distance: 113 miles
Average: 16.4 mph
Max: 46 mph
Time: 6 hours, 51 minutes
Pain factor: 7/10

Black Saturday.

The day my body said “What on earth are you doing”.

As I’d said earlier my left knee is giving me some jip. The combination of the length of the ride and Scotland’s road surfaces really kicked in today and by lunch I was a gibbering mess. We had left Carlisle in the morning and had a short ride to the border where the most keenly contested sprint by the other three took place. All for the honour of crossing the border first. Alex was leading us along followed by me, Mark and then James. As we swung down off a roundabout the sign suddenly loomed up ahead. That was it, there was a burst of energy from the back of the pack and James was off, hotly pursued by Mark. Alex saw them late and left fly from the front. It was all close as they headed down a short straight but James’ early start, power and flatulence assistance pushed him over the line for the top prize of a country jersey and his first proper county jersey for Dumfries and Galloway. A short stop for piccies and we off again.

As I said the road surfaces are horrendous, real heavy duty rough tarmac, with the net result you end up pedaling to go down slopes because of the drag. Soul destroying. By lunch my knee had had enough and was screaming at me for mercy. We stopped and quite frankly if someone had said you had better stop I would have. Luckily no-one did and all I had was encouragement. The guys let me sit on the back of the pack all afternoon. That and a large quantity of drugs helped me get through the afternoon and to the finish. As we pushed on through James claimed his second county jersey with Ayrshire with a sneaky head start.

Not only have I had a bad day but it has been the worst day for problems which did put us back a bit on time. 3 punctures and a broken spoke. This all eat into the overall time for the day so although we have picked a few miles off tomorrow, not as many as we would wish.

We have come out for a meal at a local pub. The wee lassie in reception said it was only 10 mins away. Normally yes, but worth a main road closed it was a little bit longer. So it will be another late night again. Ah well I’m going to have a bowl of Cullen Skink and some Haggis and neeps and tatties.

Highlights of the Day.

I got to the end.

The sprints for the borders.

Low lights of the day.

My ‘effing knee.

Medical issues.

Feet and ankles Ok
Calves and lower legs Ok
Knees Left, don’t talk about it. Right Ok.
Thighs/hamstrings Tight, large but Ok.
Arse Tight, developing into buns of steel.
Crown jewels After today’s ride if my wife conceived tonight the child would be born with severe brain damage and a squashed face.
Back A bit stiff but Ok.
Neck As above.
Hands Slightly better, but still a bit floppy matron.

Today’s Stats

Distance: 106 miles
Average: 15.9 mph
Max: 42 mph
Time: 6 hours, 36 minutes
Pain factor: 6.5/10

If today’s message seems a little vague it’s only because I’m writing it on Saturday. It was a little late by the time we got back to the room and as you may have guessed by the previous notes we are all absolutely worn out by about 10 pm. So needless to say the priority was once again bed.

Anyway, I believe we stayed just outside Knutsford on the M6. Bloody noisy. As we’d knocked a bit of the mileage of from the previous day we had a short drive to the jump of point. The aim was Carlisle and luckily the roads again were pretty flat. The only issue was to go up and over Shap Hill. On the ride we had a very scenic route through Lancashire and up into Cumbria. I’ve never been to Cumbria before and it really is very beautiful. The green jersey competition continues with Lancs and Cumbria going to Mark and Alex accordingly.

After lunch we set off for Shap, which as we drew close, had a very helpful sign letting you the road passed over at 1400 ft and during the winter the weather conditions can be treacherous! Nice and comforting eh? Having said all that the climb actually wasn’t that bad just long and drawn out. We all made it and then the race down the other side began. I believe one of the others made have clocked the max. We ended up, eventually just North of Carlisle.

Having got ourselves sorted we headed for the night life and decided to try out the eat all you can buffet in Shanghai Shanghai. Needles to say they didn’t make a profit out of us and we rolled back to the vehicles. As we passed a lady handing out flyers for nightclubs she asked us where we were going that night. She was totally dumbstruck when we unaminously replied “Bed”. “But its Friday night,” she said. “Yeah so what”.

Ian.

Highlights of the Day.

Getting up and over Shap Hill.

Low Lights of the Day.

Going up Shap Hill.

Today’s Stats

Distance: 113 miles
Average: 15.7 mph
Max: 38 mph
Time: 7 hours, 11 minutes
Pain factor: 4/10